Sunday, November 21, 2010

I'm falling for my best friend's girl, and she's sending me mixed messages?

Apolagies about the length, I figure the best way to capture my questions were to capture the entire story in detail.

When nessecary, I will refer to my best friend as 'the guy' and his girlfriend as 'the girl'.

The situation I describe is as follows;



I have feelings for my my best friend's girlfriend, and I am almost certain she reciprocates these feelings. She's gorgeous, intelligent and we have a similar sense of humour. She's embodies the word 'amazing'.



We first met while purchasing marijuana at what I know now to be a venue inbetween both of our houses, she was with her boyfriend at the time. I had gone to kindergarten with The Guy, and we spent a great deal catching up, at the time I was so overwhelmed by the coincidence of the situation that I hardley noticed The Girl.



Eleventh Grade (sophomore year) started three weeks ago in Australia, I had been spending alot of time with The Guy previous to the start of school, so naturally I sat with him during the lunch times. He often spoke with adoration of The Girl, but I hardley expected her to be as she was. Seemingly out of The Guy's league.



He dresses in a slumly manner, ripped and torn track pants and faded tee-shirts. He has a kind face though, a trustworthy face. She dresses with style and pseudo-class, high waisted skirts, floral print dresses, all designer. Naturally.



A couple of weeks went by. By the second week of our relationship, me and The Girl had grown frighteningly closer and had developed our own in-jokes and an entirely unique brand of witticisms. She entrusted me with several secrets of hers, some were rather petty, but others would have taken great amounts of courage to produce.



By the end of the third week of our relationship, this week, she had confessed things to me that she had only told her boyfriend. She told me that it was easier to talk to me about these things, than it was to talk to The Guy.



On the Friday of this week (today is Sunday), the three of us, The Girl, The Guy and I attended a house party. We went as a group, but The Guy spent most of the time wrestling around with some old acquaintances. The Girl seemed anxious about something the entire night. She didnt seem to be having as much fun as would be expected from a girl by her description. It was getting close to midnight, by this time we had exchanged several long glances, smiles. She approached me, took my arm and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk, I eagerly accepted her invitation.



We didnt wander far from the house, after 5 minutes of walking we found a pleasant patch of dry grass to sit down on. She has this adorable face that she subconsciously puts on when she's talking about something serious. Without looking into my eyes, she told me that she couldnt stop thinking about me, and that I had been in her thoughts alot lately. She talked about how I was so easy to talk to compared to The Guy. Shortly after she gauged my shock-awe reaction, she looked at me quizzically and said; 'it's not like I have a crush on you or anything'. She then went on to ask me if I had feelings for anyone at our school, I gave her an indirect answer.



The following day we showered at the house and then made our way to another of our friend's houses, as I had previously mentioned that I didnt want to return home until atleast Sunday. We spent most of the day smoking marijuana and drinking pre-mixed vodka, just the four of us. We were running short on cigarettes, so The Girl suggested that we shared one. We went outside and started another meaningful conversation. This one far more comical than the last. Eventually the conversation turned onto her unwillingness to compliment males outside of her relationship.



Before I could take another draw of my cigarette, she started to had unleash wave after wave of complimentary statements such as; 'Your hair is great. I love your style, your persona. I love the way you carry yourself, I love the way you manage to be so easy to talk to.' She then asked me what I thought about her. If there was a perfect opportunity to tell her about my feelings, it was then and there. I tried to put my feelings into words, but I struggled to make a sentance. In a matter of seconds I had realised that it was a futile attempt. So I settled with; 'If I were you, I'd try to achieve a lower bodyfat percentage.' Of course I did not mean what I said, she has a gorgeous figure. Before I even realised what I had done, she burst into tears. She avoided conversation with me for the rest of the day.



Thank you for bearing with me this far, I am in dire need of assistance.

I am unsure of several of the things she has done. This is the first time I have felt like this about a girl since I was a pathetic seventh grader. Sleeping with them once and never speaking to them again, is my approach to women, these are almost entirely new feelings for me and I dont know how to deal with them.



Does she like me?

How should I act upon my feelings?I'm falling for my best friend's girl, and she's sending me mixed messages?
I really feel for you.

That is a tough situation to be in.



Okay, so first things first, yes she does like you. She likes you a LOT, she just doesn't know how to handle it, and is trying to figure out how you feel and what you think.

She's tried to get as much information from you as she can about who you like, and what you think of her, and given that her boyfriend of at least a few months has been nearby at the time, that would've taken a lot of guts.



You need to decide what you want to do.



If you want to be with her, and lose the friendship of the guy (and while it sounds like you werent all that close you sure do spend a lot of time together now)?

Do you think thats to do with him or her btw? That's a good question to help you figure that one out, do you spend so much time with them for his company or for hers?



If you do decide you want to go out with her, you need to let her know that. Apologize for what you said about the lower bodyfat percentage, and tell her somethings you actually think, like her great sense of style, her sense of humor, her laugh, her eyes, whatever, but be honest. She's already put herself out there for you and you hurt her in return, so suck up the fear and tell her the truth.



Then give her some time to think about it. If she wants to be with you she'll have to break it off with the guy, and thats not the easiest thing to do, but it'd have to be done, because the two of you deserve a proper chance at a relationship, and stealing kisses when he's not around is not going to make that happen.



It is a lot to handle, and to deal with, but if you want to be with her that badly she's worth it.



If you decide you don't want to be with her like that, then definitely stay friends with her. It sounds to me that your so close she will be that person you can call on day or night, and who will always understand and care, and if you dont want her in a relationship, she'd still be a great friend.



I wish you all the best with it.

If you get a chance let me know how it turns out.



-KacyI'm falling for my best friend's girl, and she's sending me mixed messages?
.I wonder what upset her by your dietary remark.Granted she was piling on the compliments and would have wanted a more personal response.Unless you unwittingly nailed it by referring to fat.Perhaps you're reading too much into a cosy friendship.However you have to reach out to her and let her know your true feelings.She has to tell The Guy the truth

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