Friday, November 19, 2010

What should I do about my best friend/ crush?

Ben and I are good friends. He tells me he deeply cares about me as a friend. One day, I told him that I had feelings for him. Back then he told me he wasn't sure and he also said this. ';It's not you, it's me. I don't want to hurt you. I like you Kelly. I'm just not ready for a relationship yet.';

I told him I'd wait for him.

He had a girlfriend in the past that he hurt really badly (so he tells me.)



Well.... I countlessly told him my feelings over and over again and again. About once every week. I wrote him sweet notes and gave him a lot of things. Pretty soon I asked for his e-mail and phone number. I He gave it to me and he asked for my e-mail address and I gave him that and my phone number. I sent him messages and called him (he always has his phone off.) He never responded. Ben is ALWAYS busy! He has a very busy schedule and always told me that that's what his reason behind not doing anything was. Then finally he told me this: he wasn't really sure how he felt about me to do anything. He said he really cared about me.

I got hurt from that. I started to get hurt from a lot of things and Ben's fear came true. Ben finally told me he didn't want to hurt me anymore. He told me he wanted to be my friend. He said he thought that if I saw how bad of a person he really was I would move on from him. He said he thought we could get together if he improved. He told me he doesn't feel suitable for anybody. He told me I'm an awesome girl but doesn't want to risk my happiness.



After that I wrote him a long letter. It said things like:

';I'm so happy with you.'; ';I don't think of you as a bad person. Actually I think you're one of the most amazing guys on the planet!'; ';You say you don't feel suitable for anyone? Your suitable for me!'; ';We're friends and we can start out slow and work up.'; ';You can improve! Let your past go and aim for brighter newer things!';

(There is way more to that letter)



We have had lots of conversations. Sometimes (during the course of 4 months) he would seem to act... ';abnormal.'; Sometimes he seemed really nervous or fidgety around me. Most of the time he seemed normal.



After that we both had another talk.

He said this:

';I got your letter. And I just want to say that even when you told me your feelings (4 months ago) I still am not sure of them still. I deeply care about you as a friend. I know a lot of other guys use this as a brush off, but I'm saying it as a friend. I don't want you to think I'm the only guy out there for you. I don't want you to wait for me because that hurt you.';

I asked him something like this:

';So should we just stay friends and if it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't?

He replied, ';Yes.';

I told him I have no idea what to do with my feelings....



Any suggestions on this?What should I do about my best friend/ crush?
i think he doesn't like you but doesn't want to lose you as a friend. he's trying to be a nice guy and hoping that you're feelings for him will go away and you can just be friends.

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