I'm 21, in my 4th year of college.. this girl that I've known for a few years, but was never really close with, invited me out to a sports bar with a couple of her friends last weekend. I went and had a good time. She just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 months and seemed to be doing okay. So her ex was working at a restaurant right across from the bar we were at that night. He came to the bar after he got out of work, but never came over to say hi to her. Instead, he was texting her, making her feel bad, and he even asked her, ';how do I look?'; to which she responded, ';good.'; I told her she shouldn't have said that, haha. But anyways, at the end of the night when we were walking out of the bar, I noticed that she was starting to cry, and it only got worse. She was throwing a tantrum and it was awful. She had a good amount to drink and was so upset that she was crying, kicking and screaming, etc. She's a really nice girl, but guys always seem to mess with her. She's told me that she's had to go to therapy before because of it. In the few years I've known her, I've always felt a little nervous around her because I guess that I like her somewhat. She's definitely long term relationship material. After I drove her and her friends home that night, I asked her out on a date and she admitted to having a crush on me ';since forever.'; It made me really happy. The next day, I think she sent me over 100 text messages (me too, of course, because I responded to them), and we made plans to hang out the next day after class. We got coffee together and it was fun. But I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed and.. I guess you could say scared. I've never been in a relationship before. I told her that I've only had one girlfriend to make myself seem not so inexperienced, but I just don't want to hurt her, and I don't want to get hurt myself. I thought about having a conversation with her this week about taking things slow, and even though I was the one who asked her out on a date, I think it might be best that we put it off for a while and instead just hang out like we did today getting coffee, so that we can be more comfortable around each other. A no pressure situation, basically. I was going to ask her what she thinks about that. But her best friends are my friends, too, and I don't want her to start crying if I tell her this and then be viewed of as a jerk. What could I do?Ladies, could I get your advice? Potential future girlfriend.?
That's a tricky one... It sounds to me like she's in ';rebound'; mode. If she purposely went to the bar across the street from where her ex was working... That makes me think that she kind of wanted to see him... So, if you really like this girl and think she could be a serious relationship, my best advice would be to approach this one carefully...
Tell her that you really like her and think you could have something special, but you also want to keep yourself protected and make sure that your not a rebound guy. If you approach it this way, then it makes you the vulnerable one instead of her. If she responds well to that, you could then continue on to say that you want to take things really slow with her to make sure you don't rush in to anything and ruin what could be a wonderful relationship.
Hope that helps!Ladies, could I get your advice? Potential future girlfriend.?
Let it unfold naturally is my best advice; it could start out a lil fast then slow down for all you know.
Telling her you want to take it slow could be viewed pretty badly, as though you were scoping out other options first.
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