Help?? Secret Crush!!?

I noticed I've been attracted to guys ever since I was about 11 years old, Actually probably younger, but 11 is when I actually knew...why. I'm currently 18 years old and closeted still. I'm closeted still because, I tend to 1) be shy about it 2) kind of scared and well 3) because I don't know how family will react. Anyways I will, move on about my secret crush...







First off, I call it ';My Secret Crush'; because, this crush I'm still questioning about??



It started, In my Freshman Year in High School (In my French class). The year started off OK, not bad, but not good...just eh! I remember the following like if it was yesterday, yet...Kind of been questioning since the actual time that has passed, about 3 years, and don't know how to find out! Ok, I remember it was a Monday, our French teacher had rearranged seats for us, I happened to get a seat in the middle of the class room, behind this cute guy (I was a Freshman, he was a Sophomore). For some reason, I felt like I wanted to start talking to him as soon as I saw him BUT I was shy! I didn't know how to start, BUT I managed to man up! I started by, ';Hi! I'm Jaymee';, He smiled and replied ';Hey! I'm Ryan'; after that we had an awesome conversation, but not loud, because we were in class. Anyways, we became good friends...about 3 days passed, and we started to get more confortable with each other talking... and well, I remember about half the period had already started and we were debating about something (not arguing or mad) just, talking/debating. I decided to play mad (act that I was mad) and said ';you know what Ryan, w/e don't talk to me'; *hense, I was playing around* BUT he didn't know that (he thought I was serious) lol...Anyways, right before the period was over, He gave me a little note and said ';Jaymee I love you'; I don't remember what face expression I made, but I remember I was like shy/embarrased and didn't know what to do, but I suddenly said ';Ryan don't talk to me'; out loud, because I just didn't know what to do! lol I was closeted, and was planning to stay that way, Idk why, just was...So, He turned around, I noticed he got sad, because he didn't get mad he just turned around quietly. At the same time I already had a friend, and after this incident *which she doesn't know about*, about a week later...we got into groups, Ryan, Me, My friend (the girl) and some other girl were in the group. Ryan was sitting, accross from me, and my friend (the girl) was sitting next to me, My friend later on told me (after class), I hadn't noticed this btw...That Ryan kept staring at me, in a weird way, kind of like saying (your cute) kind of way...That is what my friend told me after class, and I believe her because 1)She had no reason to lie 2)She didn't know about me being gay 3) she didn't know anything about Ryan and I, and the previous incident and plus I trust her. Anyways now I live, questioning... Did he really have a crush on me/liked me? and if so, OMG why didn't I do/say something about it, like confront him!? lol also, how can I reach him, I didn't talk to him, after that because he moved classes ( I think because I made him feel bad) and I would like to ask him this, and If infact he did like me, I want to say that I'm sorry, that I was only playing mad and NOT REALLY MAD...







Note: What would had happened if I had confronted him? does he still think about me, if infact he did like me???



Anyways what do you think???Help?? Secret Crush!!?
i got a question for you: are you like a senior now? do u see him around?

anyways, i think that if you would've still talked to him and not have a spaszed atack you and him would've prolly be boyfriends... i can relate to the whole ';I love you'; note... I once had this guy in my senior year write a note like that one... ';I love you'; anyways, i still talke to him but we've never talked about the note... weard... oh well... so i really think you should talk to him if you see him around... oh yeah, how would we know if he still thinks about you? look plp could get tire... so i suggest you really think this through... he might be over you, then again you never know... so just talk to him if you see him... hope this helps!Help?? Secret Crush!!?
Just ask if he would like you to play the skin flute for him. Tell him you want to corn- hole him.
Don't worry about boys and just forget them; they are not worth your tears.



p.s i kno u didn't cry